Sometimes, it's all you can give ...
For a brief moment today I believe I caught a glimpse, a whisper of understanding, of why one of my heroes decided to leave this world early. No, I don't think I've suddenly developed clinical depression, nor did I come close to suicidal thought, but I do believe I've peered through a grimy window into that dark space; so, spirit of Robin Williams, forgive me thinking less of you when I should have known better.
And (this will sound politically incorrect), as I ask for forgiveness I also give it to you for doing what I and many others considered an ultimately selfish act.
Forgiveness usually means you have found a way towards empathy, have put your feet in the shoes of the person you wish to forgive, and now understand enough to do so.
With me today, it was a convergence of events, each of which would seem trivial to onlookers, that brought an emotional undertow which for a moment seemed so irresistible that it felt best to just follow it down the rabbit hole. I don't know exactly what's down there, but my best guess would be a place where yesterdays are all bittersweet and tinged with regret, and tomorrows are dark with no promise of sunrise.
Luckily for me, the feeling didn't take too firm a hold, and now its gone (this writing has helped). I was clearly not in the same danger as people who experience a chemical dysfunction and who for that reason can't stop their own fall without medical help. How horrible would it be to live in that place, and how great the desire to escape?
So maybe my experience wasn't really that close to what people like Robin Williams with true clinical depression experience, but it's helped me deepen my resolve to help those in whom I recognize this dark place; to forgive them and most importantly, help them forgive themselves.
For a brief moment today I believe I caught a glimpse, a whisper of understanding, of why one of my heroes decided to leave this world early. No, I don't think I've suddenly developed clinical depression, nor did I come close to suicidal thought, but I do believe I've peered through a grimy window into that dark space; so, spirit of Robin Williams, forgive me thinking less of you when I should have known better.
And (this will sound politically incorrect), as I ask for forgiveness I also give it to you for doing what I and many others considered an ultimately selfish act.
Forgiveness usually means you have found a way towards empathy, have put your feet in the shoes of the person you wish to forgive, and now understand enough to do so.
With me today, it was a convergence of events, each of which would seem trivial to onlookers, that brought an emotional undertow which for a moment seemed so irresistible that it felt best to just follow it down the rabbit hole. I don't know exactly what's down there, but my best guess would be a place where yesterdays are all bittersweet and tinged with regret, and tomorrows are dark with no promise of sunrise.
Luckily for me, the feeling didn't take too firm a hold, and now its gone (this writing has helped). I was clearly not in the same danger as people who experience a chemical dysfunction and who for that reason can't stop their own fall without medical help. How horrible would it be to live in that place, and how great the desire to escape?
So maybe my experience wasn't really that close to what people like Robin Williams with true clinical depression experience, but it's helped me deepen my resolve to help those in whom I recognize this dark place; to forgive them and most importantly, help them forgive themselves.
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