Fast Friends

It's striking how travel affects us. Mentally. When at home, I would never read a USA Today, yet on the road, reading one brings on the same feeling of comfort and reassurance conversation with a good friend might. Go Figure.

On a recent trip, that paper featured an article about how social media outlets were eroding the depth and meaning of personal friendships. In short, people today may have many more 'friends', in the internet sense of the word, yet have few if any close, personal friendships. This, the piece says, is not good for us, and will have damaging effects on individuals and society going forward.

I couldn't help but contrast this with elements of the movie 'Up in the Air' - the one starring George Clooney, not the animated thing featuring Ed Asner's voice and a house suspended by balloons.

At one point Clooney's character reassures us that his life isn't a lonely one. He is constantly surrounded by people in airports, hotels, even city streets. At another he mentions how he sometimes engages in enjoyable conversation with airplane seatmates, sharing personal histories, jokes, and dreams. Even the inevitable parting at flight's end didn't seem to blunt his pleasure with that sort of friendship.

And how different is that from the internet sort? For one, I suppose talking in person with someone on a plane is more intense and immediate than anything you could get from the internet. Not even video chat would provide the full physical presence - the body language, ability to see nuances in facial expressions, etc., you get with speaking with someone totally new to you on a plane.

For another, there's the time factor. Internet interactions are mostly brief and choppy, with conversations carried on like chess games, move by move, over hours, days perhaps. The expectation of continuance is always there. On a plane you may spend hours in deep and varied conversation, but then it's over, likely never to continue.

Still, both types of friendships miss the mark - neither are the sort of deep and close interactions USA Today says we need most.

By the end of 'Up in the Air', the director wants us to believe that Clooney's frequent traveler has realized the error of his shallow ways, made painfully aware by seeing himself reflected in the similar behavior of a woman he wants to settle down with. But he doesn't really look that much happier than he did before, and if you've seen the movie you know what ultimately befalls him. For the rest of you, I won't spoil it - see the film.

All of which leads me to believe that USA Today got it half-wrong, and so did 'Up in the Air'. Surely we should all desire deep and meaningful relationships with other people. But we can enjoy life with nothing but remote internet friendships, spiced with the occasional brief but more personal meetings.

We humans are a sociable lot, and we'll take whatever we can get, or as Woody Allen has posited, 'Whatever Works'. Fast Friends can work, at least until something better comes along.