Geocalypse Now

Global Warming? Weapons of Mass Destruction? Too many Law and Order episodes broadcast into space?

Something has the Universe ticked off at us. Or so it would seem, with the litany of catastrophes we've been saddled with of late:

• A hot volcano in frigid Iceland that froze air traffic across Europe, frying the nerves of erstwhile travelers.

• A massive oil spill courtesy of British Petroleum which threatens New Orleans and the Gulf Coast with economic ruin, just as the city and region were trying hard to recover from Katrina and the economic meltdown.

• Flooding in Nashville, Tennessee. And not long before that - record flooding in Rhode Island.

• Deadly Tornados in Mississippi

• Earthquakes just about everywhere around the Pacific Rim - and in Haiti, which is now an honorary member of the Ring of Fire Club (you see what happens when you build a canal?)

So what's next?

A giant sinkhole will open up and swallow Atlanta?

A real volcano will erupt in Las Vegas ?

The Large Hadron Collider in Cern will spawn a black hole which will suck up the Swiss banks, precipitating a second Dark Age?

All are terrible to contemplate, but it could be worse: Woody Allen could direct a remake of 'Play It Again, Sam', with Adam Sandler as the Woody character - a potential theatrical black hole of orgasmotronic proportions.

But who knows? These and other possible horrors may await. After all, there have been years and years of Fox News beaming out into space...

Coming Next Week:

Epitaph signs a new band, Katrina and The Economic Meltdown

Congress passes a bill to restrict disasters to states whose names are easy to spell. (Watch out Texas and Idaho)