A New Christmas Mascot

Forget Reindeer. The most fitting animal totem for Christmas this year would be a sloth. A moss-covered, slow-moving, tree-hanging sloth.

At least that applies to me.

Perhaps the rest of you have celebrated fiercely, then after the briefest of recoveries you've planted that winter garden, renovated the kitchen, or solved the riddle of cold fusion. Big Deal, kudos to you and good luck with the Nobel. However, if any of you happen to have developed the means to remove 10 pounds of Christmas fat and reenergize nearly dead human tissue please contact me. I need your help.

Perhaps the source of my ennui can be found in the news.

After all, a moth-eaten version of Health Care Reform limped out of the Senate, with Republicans promising all-out war to prevent even its holed carcass from becoming law.

And somehow, even with all the TSA bureaucracy, rules, and regulations, some nut-case has managed to bring explosives onto a plane and tried to light them up. Pretty dire, but what does the government do? Figure out how the perp got the stuff on board and stop that gap? Nope - they make a rule preventing any passenger from getting up from their seat for ONE HOUR before landing. I am not sure what good that will do aside from forcing travelers with nervous bladders to line up at the lavatories 65 minutes prior to landing.

So maybe it's the news. Or maybe not. In any case, I can use some energy. So if you have the fat dissolving, tissue reanimating abilities noted above, or merely know how to turn a sloth into a winning greyhound without the use of whips or cattle prods, let me know.