My Inner Neandertal

Anthropologists and Paleoarcheologists have been hard at it attempting to decipher the mystery of the disappearance of our (presumably) close cousins, the Neandertals, and whether we - modern humans, aka 'Cro-Magnons', had anything to do with it.

Some speculation has focused on whether our direct ancestors had inappropriate relationships with Neandertals which may have led to mixed offspring.  Some even speculate whether those offspring are us - or at least some of us, like Republicans or NASCAR fans.  

While it's true that most reputable scientists dispute the contention that our genome contains even a hint of our more brutish cousins, I am convinced that if you are a Republican AND a NASCAR fan, you may be part Neandertal.  If you are both and also can't work your DVR to record the races, it's case closed.  Grab a club and head to your cave.

But whether or not our blood contains ancient thuggish genes, I believe it's possible that those Cro-Magnons of old picked up some bad habits from their hairier neighbors.

I can certainly feel it at times.  Like when I am in the appointment line at the DMV and, just when it's my turn to walk up to the window, someone dashes in from the side to 'ask a few quick questions'.  I have an urge to hit them with something.  I'd like to pick them up and fling them across the room - to the back of the line.  I am sure Neandertals had the brawn to do that.

Like whenever George W. Bush appeared on TV for a press conference.  I'd have mental visions of someone (presumably not me) grabbing his ears and whupping his head against the dais until sense returned (or should I say, arrived). That has to be a case of one Neandertal recognizing another and not liking it.

Like lately whenever I've seen a GM commercial pop up on TV talking about the 'new' GM and what wonderful things are in store for us (this after filing Chapter 11).  It must be my inner Neandertal that wants to take a sledge to the nearest Jeep (not a Hummer, Neandertals would like Hummers).  [OK, so a Jeep is a Chrysler and not a GM, what do you expect from a Neandertal, accuracy?]

All this puzzles me.   I am not a NASCAR fan (at least, not since sometime in the 80's), and I am most certainly NOT a Republican (although I spring from a long line of those misbegotten souls).  Maybe our Cro-Magnon ancestors were a little frisky with their cousins, back when Global cooling and finding enough Mammoths were the big concerns.

All we can do is to make peace with our inner Neandertals and keep them on a tight leash.  Unless  you are a pro-Wrestler or a Republican NASCAR fan.  If your are either (or God forbid both), don't even try.