The Makings of a President

It will not be long now before we must choose our next President. (Are you tingling with anticipation?)

Shall we keep the one we have, or choose from that other party? (A motley assortment, but entertaining)

Well, I'm here to sort you out with a few helpful tips on what to look for in our next commander-in-chief. If you ignore these gems, don't say I didn't warn you. (And I will remind you of this if you choose badly)

Wayne's Tips On Presidential Qualifications, 2012 Edition

Know The Job - Be sure your preferred candidate knows exactly what the job entails, and what it means to take it. Have they studied the policies and decisions of every one of our former leaders (and not just Ronald Reagan)? Are they prepared to be 'alone at the top'? Have they practiced stopping the buck and are they any good at it? Most importantly, how's their constitution (their health, not the document)? We don't want them to look as if they are dying while on a jog (ala Jimmy C), or vomiting on foreign dignitaries (George B Senior).

Know About Money - It's the economy, stupid! Our next President had better know his/her stuff, and I don't just mean how to spout meaningless statistics - that's the Secretary of the Treasury's job. If they can't lecture eloquently on every major recession, dip, and depression since the Great One, and wax profound on how each and every one was fixed (if it was), they don't qualify. Boot them off the list (or move them to the VP queue).

Know Our Enemies (and our friends) - If the next President isn't thoroughly familiar with every threat this nation has ever faced, how can they possibly know who to trust on the world scene? They should know our friends well too, since many of them were - or one day will be - also our enemies.

Know War and What It's Good For (absolutely nothing?) - America has enemies, friendly enemies, and inimical friends (see above). All of whom may at one point or another attack us, appear to attack us, or just be reported on Fox News as possibly thinking about attacking us. At which point our next President must know what War is and whether to wage it (or stop watching Fox).

Know Our Country - In order to qualify for President, a candidate must be able to cite all 50 states and their capitals, as well as list our protectorates and territories (bonus points for their capitals). They should also be able to locate all of these on a map. If none of the candidates can do this - and let's face it that's a possibility, then rank them in order of number correctly chosen. Bonus points if they know what the heck the District of Columbia is.

There you have it. Five simple rules with which to test our future President's qualifications. Of course there are many more important qualifications, like being able to read and write, having a twitter account, and liking dogs, but those are beyond the scope of this humble essay ...

Keep Watching The Skies!

What is up, surely must come down ...

Space Bus bust - for a minute there they had our attention, butts perched on seat edges, chewing our collective nails in nervous anticipation. Where would that damn decrepit bus-sized satellite come down? NASA wasn't entirely clear on this subject, leaving about 80% of the world's population as possible targets. But the Upper Atmosphere Research Satellite (UARS) plunked down with little fanfare, somewhere near Christmas Island in the remote Pacific. Nice that no humans were hurt in the process, but I'll bet a few fish had quite a surprise.

Drone Over Me (Not) - many Americans enjoy the hobby of operating radio-controlled planes. This is a good thing, since remotely controlled flying missile platforms are weapon numero uno in our anti-terrorism arsenal, it seems, and we'll need plenty more good 'pilots' in the future. Of course, now that we are using these devices against American citizens (albeit nasty bearded dual-citizenshipped American citizens), we may all have to mind our Ps and Qs, watch our backs, and keep watching the skies ...

Silence Is Not Golden

Sometimes so many things of a dispiriting nature happen so quickly, we can't absorb the intensity of it, let alone manage it adequately.

This can be personal or it may be our work that throws up curves. It may also be the cares of the world at large that press in on us - delivered through the news: televised, printed, or internet-beamed.

Whatever the source, there are times when we feel an intense need for silence. Not a monkish vow of silence, but rather a keeping of opinions to ourselves, as if voicing them will remind us of just what a pickle we're (all) in. We continue to live our lives and communicate the usual daily messages of family and camaraderie, but we keep our questioning light hidden, our speculations bland, and our fears diluted to insignificance before utterance.

This may affect us all. It certainly affects writers, including those in the blogosphere. Contrary to what may be general perception, bloggers aren't typically infected with runaway cases of the verbal shits. We as a rule speak through our blogs when we feel we have something meaningful to say, even if the meaning is just for us. Maybe especially if it's just for us. And if we can't express what we are feeling meaningfully, we fall silent.

I must say events of the world of late have been of the truly silencing kind. What do you say about what's happening with our government? With other governments around the world? How do you react when the most promising developments are bloody revolutions?

It seems that each day we've awakened these past few months has held nothing but grimmer and grimmer news for us. And it breaks our hearts to think too much about it, let alone comment.

We sit back and let John Stewart or Colbert spoof our miseries away, by letting us laugh at the absurdity of our situations. This is a salve to our distress, but not a solution.

As it turns out, neither is silence. By keeping mum and laughing it out of our system, we perpetuate it all, in a cycle of increasing depression, hopelessness, and ultimately apathy. Nothing can be fixed, it's all a joke, just live your life with your head down and keep on keeping on. But that is an insidious capitulation.

Rather, now is the time for all of us - bloggers as well as folk usually less forward with their opinions, to speak up, write your thoughts down, or go out and shout them from atop a soapbox in the park.

Whatever works best for you.

I promise I'll be writing, and reading, and listening.

Labor Day

Well, this is Monday, 5 September, 2011, and presumably, officially, 'Labor Day'.

This would be a good day for all of us who have jobs to give profuse thanks, and for those still seeking gainful employment to emulate the British of eons past and keep your upper lip as stiff as possible.

Speaking of 'gainful' employment, I wonder how many of us can say we have it? When does it become so? I suppose if, at the end of the month, you've earned a penny more than expenses and taxes, that could be considered a gain, although you won't build much of a nest egg or rainy day fund at that rate. Especially if you put that penny in the bank to earn a half of one percent in interest. And more especially if you charge anything on a credit card at sixteen percent interest. That fifteen and a half percent gulf will certainly discourage your borrowing to spend on anything not absolutely necessary, right?

But I have slipped off-topic ...

It's good to have a job, and today is the day to celebrate. It's also the day for employers everywhere to rejoice in the good fortune of having an enormous worker pool to fish in. It's a wondrous gift indeed to have so many to choose from. There would be even more choices if our schools could graduate more qualified people. But then, in an economy that is 90% service, what skills do graduates need?

There I go again, off-topic ...

So, to everyone out there with a job today, gainful or not, relax, take a sip of something cool and refreshing, fire up the bbq and have a laugh or two with friends and family. If you have to work today, then the rest of us will just celebrate all the harder, in your honor.