Sorry, Charlie

Sometimes it's hard to understand our favorite celebrities' behavior. Especially when there seems to be a big chunk of ingratitude flavoring it.

[Celebrity Ingrates - coming soon from TLC ?]

And it is challenging for us work-a-day folks to fathom why someone like Charlie Sheen would rock the golden canoe so long and hard.

But then, humans are capable of seeing injustice aimed at them in just about any situation. We are almost as good at that as aiming injustice.

Basically, in life but particularly show business life, being screwed is in the eye of the screwee.

In the strange case of Charlie Sheen versus Chuck Lorre and the powers-that-be at CBS, Mr Sheen definitely feels screwed. But I imagine that Mr. Lorre feels a bit used as well. What the higher-ups at the network feel I don't know, but I'll wager it's less like feeling ill-used, and more like confusion between gratitude for publicity and concern over that same publicity.

Those of us who have lived our lives glued to one TV set or another, in a real-life version of 'Dream On', know or can sense that these sorts of dust-ups between stars and producers may be a put-on. Then again, we've seen them be quite real.

If this very public conflict is real, then I must say that Charlie Sheen is wrong - sorrowfully, miserably wrong.

Chuck Lorre's mild zings at Mr. Sheen in his 'vanity cards' are funny, but not mean. They play to the irony of Sheen's real life behavior mirroring (and outdoing) the bad behavior of his character in Two and a Half Men - Charlie Harper. As for Charlie saying he's turned Lorre's work into Gold solely on his own efforts, well, he's forgetting that Jon Cryer is the funny one - the Lewis to Sheen's Martin, and without that dynamic the show would be lessened. The other members of the long-time supporting cast are important too.

It's an ensemble effort, Charlie, not a star turn. The show would not have succeeded without you, true, but it wouldn't have without Cryer (at least) either.

And try not to forget that Chuck Lorre made it all possible. The show is his creation. He gave you a career-saving opportunity, and until now you've made the most of it.

Now, it may be your problems with addiction(s) that are fueling your recent behavior, and if so I hope you find the help you need before your career completely tanks. After all, you can't count on repeating Robert Downey Jr's return from the abyss.

The Mouse That Stuttered

Two blind mice and one that stuttered

Chased around the kitchen by an old lady with a carving knife

The stutterer saw the danger, but couldn't squeak out an intelligible warning to his blind companions

Two missing tails and a broken trio later, and what might we know:

Only that,

In a World of Angry Farmer's Wives with sharp knives, It's better to be a stuttering mouse than a blind one,

- and -

If you are a blind criminal mouse, don't choose a stutterer as your lookout ...

Well, OK, but what would a stuttering mouse sound like?

That happens to be a principal problem for researchers who have bred mice to stutter, according to an article in The Economist ('Speech Therapy', Jan 26, 2011).

It seems that scientists have discovered what they presume to be a genetic basis for stuttering. To test that theory, they have spliced the suspect gene into mouse DNA. Trouble is, no one knows what a stuttering mouse sounds like. The researchers, though, are sure they can use modern speech recognition software to work out the problem.

If so, there will be new hope for murine stutterers everywhere (and the blind mice who befriend them). Oh, and people who stutter may find some relief too.

No Bubbles

This evening, in a fated-to-fail attempt at rescuing a botched birthday celebration, I picked up take-out food at a local eatery, a favorite of the disappointed celebree.

It just happens the restaurant lies in the same mini-mall as does a forlorn reminder of my financial gullibility. In particular an empty SCUBA dive shop, with PADI signs still in the windows.

This shop was once the pride and joy of the now former husband of a family friend. A realization of his dream. My wife and I were moved to help by providing an early investment, a seed as it were from which the business flowered.

Our friend ran his Dive Shop for nearly four years, with ups and downs, but always with one happy idea in mind- to teach as many people as he could to 'blow bubbles' with the fishes and enjoy a small piece of the 70% of mother earth we landlocked beings never see. I joined in the spirit and learned to Dive, and spent many happy hours reliving a childhood dream of being Mike Nelson in 'Sea Hunt', only without the sparring with undersea villains complication. But nothing that good lasts unchanged forever.

For several reasons, but not least the burst economic Bubble of 2008, the shop died a sudden death, leaving a hole in the tight-knit dive community, scattering the shop's own clan of divers, and ending a marriage.

The Dive Shop has remained empty since July of 2008, even located as it is on a busy section of a major thoroughfare. The two shops on either side of it are now empty too.

I still 'blow bubbles' but not nearly as often, and from what I've heard, the former owner of the shop, a serious, professional diver, hasn't been under much either. But that's the way of disappointments, they can sour things for you if you let them. And it's hard not to let them.

I imagine right now in America there are quite a few people nursing disappointments. Not all of them will have a painful reminder like an empty shop, although some might have worse. I hope not.

And I hope anyone who is disappointed on their birthday has a better time next year.

Driving Past Money

In a world where not enough of us have enough money enough of the time, I get to drive by vast quantities of it every day.

You see, my commute takes me through Beverly Hills, twice a day. And if there is anything in Beverly Hills aside from a palpable sense of self-satisfaction, there is money. Which may explain the satisfaction.

Houses? Beverly Hills sports some truly fine houses. Actually, they aren't houses, they're HOUSES. A modest dwelling in BH represents a died-and-gone-to-heaven dream home for the rest of humanity. (Except those hobbit-cottage things - those are Mordorian nightmares)

Cars? Try Maseratis. And I always seem to be stuck in traffic behind one AMG Mercedes or another. Simply put, I've been cut off in traffic by vehicles worth more than my house (at least more than what it's worth now).

I'd add that Beverly Hillians deck themselves out in expensive finery, but I haven't seen many of them - outside their cars anyway. I assume there are nicely dressed people inside those HOUSES, but all I've ever seen are a few joggers (who may have jogged in from less toney Los Angeles proper) and yard trimmers who I am almost certain don't live there.

Now, before you draw the wrong conclusion, let me say that I truly admire the residents of Beverly Hills. Their streets are perfectly paved and uncannily clean. Their yards are beautifully trimmed. At least a few of them (presumably) stay in decent shape by jogging, and they drive really nice cars.

But I am having a psychic struggle viewing all that stuff every day. Especially viewing it while listening to public radio descriptions of wars, poverty, and general unhappiness. It would probably be best if I lessened my BH exposure.

Too bad then, the shortcut through the residential part of BH is a must. I'd rather slit my wrists than struggle down Santa Monica Blvd in the morning rush ...

Rubic's Pyramid

The crowds in the square were calling for democracy. Their leaders said they weren't ready for democracy. The crowds weren't moved by that argument, but their leaders were largely immovable too.

Now the military is in control.

Not really much different than before, only Hosni is on permanent vacation at his Red Sea resort of last resort.

And the rest of the World is waiting to see what shakes out. Will the 'new' Egypt turn against the status quo with respect to Israel? If so, will the end result be worse, or better, than the current stalemate? It's been a long time since 1967 and people can't remain refugees forever. Or can they?

Change in political systems wields the sharpest of two-edged swords. Cuts may come from unexpected directions. And democracy is a very sharp yet particularly unwieldy weapon.

Do those crowds in Cairo and Alexandria really know what they are asking for? Do they believe proclaiming democracy will immediately result in blissful freedom and lots of cash for everyone? These things may one day come from democracy but only through the successful running of an obstacle course many may be loath to run.

But all that is easy to say, living in a country where that obstacle course was run for us generations ago. Watching it happen, or try to happen, in the here and now and in a land never ruled for long by anything other than autocracy, will be something special to see.

With collective fingers figuratively crossed we all must observe the process and observe the prime directive. Let's avoid butting in if at all possible - forgetting for a moment that our military is closely 'advising' Egypt's, let's try not to impose outside wishes and let the Egyptians do what's best for Egyptians.

If they can run that course...