Poetry Break: Bad Time For Swine

Cheer the hardy pig, the stout hog, the rugged swine

That for millennia has brought home the bacon

Has stewed in our pots

Has graced our BLTs

Has given much more than than he's taken

Now unfaithfully stained with the taint of the flu

No fault of his should IT visit YOU

Muddy Shoes

On Sunday, April 19th, I took a musical tour that began in Greenville, Mississippi, and ended in Los Angeles.  My guide on this journey was Richard Haxton, a singer-songwriter and performance artist. 

Haxton, born in Greenville and the son of a famous local musician, is himself a near-legendary fixture on the LA music scene.  He conducted his tour from the intimate stage of 'The Silo' performance space, located out in the horselands of Sunland, and no more perfect setting could have been arranged.  There was no distance between Haxton and the capacity crowd, who were drawn into his story as if it was their own.

Haxton sang and accompanied himself on guitar and piano, using his original songs to take the audience through the stages of a musical life.  From growing up a white man in the homeland of the blues, through a mystical road trip which started east but finished with a turn towards Hollywood, to an eventual musical residence in LA.  Along the way we were introduced to Haxton's alter-ego 'Guil-T' - a mockingly self-proclaimed 'Prince of Ark-LA-Miss', to 'Mississippi Slick' - a smooth-talking southern player, to 'Major' - a traditional bluesman cum agent, and to other lively characters, including a desperate LA-style corporate music shill and a chainsaw-wielding lumberjack anxious for a drink.  While we didn't make it to 'Hawkstown', Haxton's latest and most experimental musical abode, we had a rich and eventful road trip well worth the price of the ride.

Richard Haxton called his one-man show 'Mud On My Shoes'.  Cosseted in the audience my factual shoes may have remained dry and mud-free, but my spirit was knee deep in wonderful Mississippi goo right along with my new on-stage acquaintances. 

Harley Man and the McMansions

On a recent business trip to Dallas, Texas, I found myself frustrated with the local cab service.  My cabs were driven by a motley of immigrants from unnamed African countries who didn't know the area and had an exceedingly poor sense of direction.  With one exception, but that's another story. 

The first cab I hailed I believe started it's trip in Liberia, and the driver just got lost and fetched up in Dallas. Not wanting to end up in Kansas rather than my hotel, or worse, end up at my hotel after a tour of Kansas, I decided to walk the 3 miles back from my workplace.

The trip took me along Belmont Avenue, through a mostly residential neighborhood of mostly modest, if neat, houses. 

It was like a walking history tour of the housing bubble.

There were small, nondescript cottages, some in not-so-good repair, a few with a clean and bright 'He Is Risen' cross in view. There were also a few beautiful craftsman-style houses looking like the next cover of an Architectural History magazine. Next to them, and scattered here and there everywhere, were abodes that just-didn't-belong - McMansions.

During the housing boom of the 'early oughts' some enterprising folks bought charming cottages and solid but small craftsmans, tore them to the ground and erected square structures with brick and stone facades and two-level balconies that took up every square inch of property space.  Every inch except for a gap back from the street just large enough for a lawn, which one assumes was a salve to the sensibilities of the locals - one small concession for the zoning freedom bestowed.

Don't misunderstand, the McBricks were new and looked well-built, and probably were spacious and gracious inside.  But they turn a neighborhood with breathing room into a stifling warren of cheek by jowl living - and give it an impersonal patina, not unlike the one glazing the cookie-cutter affairs that spread like stucco fungus outside Los Angeles.

On the lawn of one of the Stoneboxes a gardener was weed whacking, showering me in a spray of grass dust as I walked past.  Not far away sat a Harley.  Clean, shiny, and waiting.  The day was sunny, with a slight breeze and touching 80 degrees.  Almost perfect for a ride. 

About 10 minutes later, I heard a roar coming up from behind, and turned to see - not the gardener, but a true 'Harley Man' cruise by on the Hog I'd seen parked up.  He was kitted out properly, with sleeveless denim vest to show off his tatoos, jeans with chaps and boots - no helmet (this is Texas) to hide his ponytail, and aviator glasses to cap off the cool.   Not my style but a brother rider gets to roll his own way.  

He didn't spare a glance towards me in my business casual clothes, computer bag over one shoulder, jacket slung over the other, so I didn't wave.  Experience told me it would have been a futile gesture anyway, since most HD men only wave to other HD men, and never to pedestrians (unless you are talking pretty girl, and then a wave wouldn't be enough).

Head down and walking, ignoring the McMansions, which had become numerous and too similar to warrant further notice, I lost myself in sundry reflections on life and wistful thoughts of how I'd jump on my bike the minute I got home and take it for a cleansing run up the Angeles Crest Highway.  

My reverie was interrupted 15 minutes later.  By the same Harley Man going around the block - again.  All dressed up and not much of anywhere to go.  The last eight years in a nutshell.

Babble-On 17

T.G. it's Friday, Freitag, Vrijdag, Venerdi, Vendredi, Viernes, Sexta-feira ...

Woody's worthiness - when is a celebrity's image worth so little that you can use it in ads without permission?  Never, according to Woody Allen, who has asked for 10 million in damages from American Apparel for their unauthorized use of his unique visage on billboards.  The company claims that Allen's image isn't worth anything, let alone 10 million, since he personally ruined it by marrying his step-daughter a while back.  So what, then, was American Apparel doing when it put him in their ads?  Were they attempting reverse psychology? Or merely seeking the publicity of a well-publicized dustup?  Pay the man!

Life imitating art - I wonder if the Ohio skydiver who perished on April 12 when his chute failed to open was a fan of CSI Las Vegas? The show that week (Season 9, Episode 19 'The Descent of Man') had featured a skydiving death of a very similar sort.  But I am guessing, fan or not, he didn't watch it that week.  Chances are he avoided the show if he had any inkling of it's content, for the same reasons I avoid watching 'Alive' before I fly on any plane that crosses remote, snow-covered mountains and might also be carrying a soccer team, a particularly large Jenny Craig dropout, or a famished pack of Webelos.

The madness of eating Daisy - Back in March our government decided it might be wise to finally ban the slaughter for meat of 'downer' cattle- animals too sick or weak to stand on their own.  Imagine my surprise!  I'd believed that little gotcha was taken care of long ago when Mad Cow Disease first reared its ugly bovine head back in '95 and a raft of laws were passed to keep neurologically comprised (i.e., too sick or weak to stand) animals out of the meat supply. But no, seems if you could make them stand, say with a fork lift or a sling and a wench, that was all good.  Pick 'em up before you 'off 'em and you were A-OK.  Then that little loophole came crashing into the public eye with the beef recall in 08.  The biggest beef recall in US History in fact, started after annoying videos were released of downer cattle being pushed and shoveled upright for slaughter at a California slaughterhouse.  Oops! Time to close the wide open barn door ...

Payback

Every dark cloud has it's silver lining.  Anyway, that's what 'they' always say.

This economic recession perhaps depression (repression?) is certainly one of the darkest of clouds to scud overhead in our lifetime, but so far there haven't been too many flashy linings to speak of.  That is, aside from the minor pleasure of seeing the Bush misadministration get it's well-deserved daily portion of blame for the mess.  But that's a pleasure perhaps not enjoyed by many of Mr. Bush's steadfast supporters - or by shamed conservatives, whether they were in Shrub's camp or not.  

But there was a bit of news this morning that could be a welcomed-by-all silver lining: credit card companies may get spanked for their nasty billing practices.

And about time too.  A few years back, those same companies managed to wrangle a bill through Congress that has made it much harder for people to dismiss usurious credit card debt through bankruptcy.  And they managed this feat without a single inclusion in the bill that would limit the rates they could charge their 'clients'.  Card companies can still lure new cardholders in with low or no interest for initial charges or balance transfers, then, if those clients are late - twice - in a set period of time (usually 6 months), they are free to raise the rates up to 24, 28, even 32 percent.  Then those 'clients' are stuck with finance charges so high they may never be able to pay back their principal.  Most egregious of all, the card companies can do this whether the two times you were late was your fault, the post offices', or the card companies' (lost in internal processing), and whether you were a week or only a single day late.

It's bad enough that banks can normally charge 12-16 percent for credit card purchases when the most you and I can get for a savings account at the same banks is, what, 1.5 percent? Talk about having your cake and getting to eat it too.  

I know, I know.  The card companies claim those high rates are justified by high default rates.  Thing is, those high default rates are encouraged by the lending practices noted above.  Luring naive or overly hopeful cardholders in and then nailing them with usurious rates at the first sign of trouble isn't helping the default situation.

Now, though, it may be payback time.  President Obama wants to 'talk' with the heads of credit card issuers about their practices.  And he's got a nice big carrot, and a nice big stick to use in the 'discussions'.  

Here's hoping a little common sense and fairness results.  It's way past time for this playing field to get leveled.

Of Tea, Taxes, and Parties

There's a strange movement afoot in our land, and it caught the media's attention on Tax Day, April 15.  I say strange not because it isn't par for the course among it's main proponents, conservative republicans - it is.  I call it strange because most of the rank and file participants, the 'Joe Americans' as the movement's leaders call them, have so little to gain from the movement's success.

The movement I'm talking about is the anti-tax coalition of conservatives who are sponsoring 'Tea Parties' across the nation.  These conservatives rail against rising taxation and out-of-control federal spending, and are hoping these 'parties' show just how many of their fellow Americans agree with them.

Their biggest problem is that the true constituents of their beliefs, the ones most likely to agree, aren't the partying type - at least not in public and not with tea.  They are mostly at home on tax day, online with their accountants or organizing their next trip to the Cayman Islands.  

No, those coming out to 'party' are not Americans in the financial major leagues likely to be hit with higher taxes, but middle class and under, who are probably going to get tax breaks.  But they've been sold the story that higher taxes will hurt them, if only because their richer employers won't have enough cash to give them jobs.

In reality, though, the 'tax hikes' by the federal government, even for the very rich, don't amount to much - really just a repeal of the Bush tax cuts.  And we all know just how well those tax cuts worked out, don't we?

No, the tax hit feared by the pushers of this doctrine won't be coming from the federal government, it's state and local policy-makers that really should concern them.  Take my state, California.  Our Republican governor recently signed into law state income and sales tax increases, along with increases in state government fees for services, like automobile registration.  And those taxes do hit everybody.

But let's face it, taxes are a necessary evil.  What else do the Tea Party folks think pays for building and maintaining roads?  Collecting the trash?  Protecting the country?  Elves? Philanthropic religious groups?

Oh, and as for Tea, make mine Earl Grey - hot.

Moving On

Mobility has been a characteristic of American workers since the 70's, when the greatest bulk of the baby boom graduated from college and set out determined to forge a life different from their parents' life.

No house in the suburbs and 2.3 kids for them, rather a professional life that came with an assumption of movement. Movement upwards in a profession often meant movement around the country, chasing opportunity.

Then came the booming 90s. Boomers had 401(k)s getting fatter with the stock market, and a dip in the housing market made it excusable to give up the apartment and buy a house. Later, mortagage rates got so low and loans became so easy to get that home ownership skyrocketed.

But with all that homesteading came rootedness. Immobility. Workers were no longer quick to pick up and move for better jobs. Especially when so many were nearing the last decade or so of their working careers. They had the house, their family, their town, and a plump portfolio. Why move for a few thousand more? For slightly more responsibility?

And this meant a big problem for business. Now they had to fish for talent mainly from local seas. Or look far away in lands where home ownership is a fantasy and movement a given. To get people to up stakes and move to a new city, a new state, took major enticements. Bonuses, stock options, generous relocation packages - costly stuff and tough on the bottom line. And still too few took up the offer.

Fast forward to the present. A great big economic sinkhole has opened up and the nest eggs, along with many of the homes, of American workers have been sucked down and away. Gone - maybe forever. Certainly for years, which can be forever for a 50-something Boomer.

Now mobility has returned. Everyone is older, maybe not wiser, but definitely mobile. Houses gone, kids grown up and away, so no reason to stay. Movement for newly necessary jobs is more than OK.

Imagine leaving your home and friends and moving to a new state, a new city - a new country even. It's not something Boomers expected for their golden years. But ironically enough, it's what they set out in life believing was their difference and their right. Maybe our little depression is a kind of salvation?

Moving on ...

A Nightmare

I am driving to I don't know where in a car pulling a trailer.  I've just pulled into a restaurant parking lot and two cops who I hadn't noticed before catch up to me as I enter the building.  The first cop tells me he's giving me a ticket because one of the tail lights on the trailer is out, the other cop tells me I was speeding.  I deny speeding (I clearly wasn't) and I point out that one of the lights is on and that should still be legal.  Not in this county he says, and tells me he's going to have to impound the vehicle.  Not just the trailer but my car too.  

At this point the dream gets a little fuzzy and I begin talking to the second cop in angrier and angrier tones about how he's stranded me in the middle of nowhere 1000 miles from home and that I am likely to die out here and leave my kids without a father and they will grow up maladjusted and become threats to society all because of his and his buddy's overzealous enforcement of bogus laws.  

The other patrons of the restaurant, who have been avoiding looking at us are now glaring angrily at the cops. The second cop starts to cry, and falls into a heap on the floor, slumped against a wall.  The other cop tells me he and his buddy were just pulling my leg- they do it once a week to passersby, just for fun.  I start to cry, then slump to the ground next to cop number two, who's still sobbing.

When we calm down, I buy cop two a drink and now we are friends.  His partner is nowhere to be found.  Cop two hands me a badge. 

I wake up sweating ...

Suicidal Tendencies

Viewers of FOX's hit show 'House' were stunned last week when Kal Penn's character committed suicide.  What, Kuttner gone?  The drily witty one? The guy who was always just barely hiding an ironic smirk?  Him?  Every other character had reasons to off themselves, including House - especially House, but Kuttner?

Kal Penn wanted to leave the show to take up a position in President Obama's administration, so the writers and producers needed a story to cover his leaving, but suicide?  House producers responded by saying they needed to give Dr. House an unsolvable puzzle, obviously something to riff on for a few episodes, but I wonder.  There must have been a dozen ways for Kuttner to leave that could have given Hugh Laurie and the rest of the cast great room for theatrics in response, without resorting to a story line that ends Kal Penn's involvement in the series, permanently.

Sounds more like a sour grapes revenge sort of thing, really.

Of course the show's honchos are doing their best to give the plot twist a meaningful spin.  They ran a public service screen at the end of the show giving viewers who may be considering suicide a number to call.  Nice, I guess, but it seemed to me they were trying to make Kuttner's  suicide feel too real.  Dare I wonder, were they attempting to cash in on the public's empathy as a publicity exercise?  A facebook memorial to Kal Penn's character didn't exactly allay my suspicions...

I just don't know, but to me suicide is too serious an issue to use just to give Kal Penn an out and House a puzzle.  We lose too many people to it every year.  

We don't hear about most of them, but when celebrities - real ones, not characters on a show, kill themselves, we do:  

Kurt Cobain is a suicide victim that comes quickly to most people's minds.  Comedy fans might remember Richard Jeni, and further back in time, Freddie Prinze.  They might also have noted Charles Rocket's passing.  (I remember him fondly as one of the bright spots on Saturday Night Live during that show's dark years).  Fans of more intellectual comedy might remember Spalding Gray.

Gray's mother committed suicide when he was a young man.  And there does seem to be a connection.  Just recently, Nicholas Hughes, the son of Sylvia Plath,  took his own life.  Margaux Hemingway followed her father's example too.

Maybe there's something about the ironic cynicism of comedy that leads to depression and suicidal tendencies, and there is certainly evidence that genetics plays a role.  The sardonic Kuttner could have qualified for the first, and if his birth parents hadn't been shot (according to the story line), but had taken their own lives (suicide pact?), then he might have fit right in with Hughes and Hemingway too.

But that would have been too easy for Dr. House ...

[Sammy, old friend, I still miss seeing you up at Newcomb's.]

Nicely Done

We've become cynical about our government's ability to handle crises.  After 8 years with George 'Mission Accomplished' Bush at the helm, we've become used to ham-handed miscues and blunt force blow-backs.  We are habituated to a government approaching crises with all the delicacy of a ball-peen hammer used to crack an egg.

Shocking then, in the most pleasantly surprising way, to read about the deft handling of the Somali pirate hostage crisis by President Obama and the US military.  

It's a surprise even though we've come to view Mr. Obama as a thoughtful man.  After all, some of his administration's economic moves have been, well, a little like blunt instruments being slammed down on someone's head.  But perhaps those were situations where only a ball-peen hammer would do.  

The President's handling of the latest pirate crisis indicates he has a wide range of tools, simple or complex, sharp as well as blunt, at his disposal.  And the wisdom to know which to use.

Bad Banks, Good Robbers?

During the recent G20 conference in London, protesters broke into and damaged a few banks. A small and insignificant blip on the radar screen given the big picture, perhaps, but I wonder if this may be a sign of things to come.

After all, banks and bankers are not popular just now.  The degree to which most of these institutions bought into the big financial house of cards before it collapsed is mind-blowing, and millions of people have lost investments and jobs as a direct result.  What's worse, many banks are happily accepting taxpayer funded bailouts without increasing their lending in return, hoarding the gold like Midas in his counting room.

The last time banks were as unpopular was during the Great Depression of the 1930s.  So reviled were they, people who robbed them became popular heroes.   John Dillinger and Bonnie and Clyde robbed banks across the nation and were loved for picking the pockets of what many saw as the uncaring rich.   These criminals are still folk heroes today, and movies continue to be made about them, like the new Public Enemies, with Johny Depp as Dillinger.

In the 30s, these robbers were seen as incarnations of Robin Hood, stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.  Never mind that what they did ultimately hurt everyone, it was enough for the moment to see the hated bankers getting a little payback.  

In our current economic 'recession', the same attitude may take hold.  Financial institutions and the people that run them have always been suspect, but enjoyed a period of détente which gave banks a favorable image during the booming 90s.  Now, financial institutions may become automatic villains once again, and those who harry and hurt them heroes.

Let's hope not, because we are not likely to see a return of the 'romantic' robbers of the past.  These days the perps will probably be off-duty desk support staff in India or Malaysia and their crimes not daring daylight stickups but unseen cyber-siphoning.  Who'd pay to see a movie of that?  Boring...

Poetry Break: Lord Love A Duck

Lord love a duck, 

For wanting nothing but food, some sun, and a chance to flap wings

Maybe lay an egg or two (hundred)

Lord love a duck,

For cleaning the yard of tasty pests

And amusing with clownish grace

and unbending beaky grin

Lord love a duck,

Whose human forgot

and left her outside

First choice on the raccoons' midnight menu

Hope there are tasty slugs in duck heaven

So Long,

And thanks for all the eggs

Wheel Spinning

Much attention, most of it very negative, has been focused these days on the auto industry.  But some of it is hopeful, some a little absurd, and, OK, the rest is negative...

What goes up, must come down.  Spinning wheels, got to go round.  Talk about your troubles it's a crying shame ... (apologies to BST)

Leno does Detroit - Tonight show host Jay Leno loves all things motorized, so he's a natural supporter of America's auto industry. It's with pleasure then, but not surprise, that we hear the comedian will be putting on a free concert in (actually, near) Detroit. A way for Leno to give a little back to the industry and workers that have given him so much - even if they (or their fearless leaders) really did screw the pooch. Besides the no-cost admission, there are also free drinks and snacks too, according to national public radio this morning. Good deal, as long as the jokes are fresher than the food is likely to be ...

A Day Late and A Dollar Short (give or take a decade and a billion or so) - Now that the horse has run out of the barn, the goose has been cooked, and the fat lady has nearly finished her song, GM is trying to close the barn door (balsa wood), stick (fake) feathers on the goose, and shove duct tape on the heavyweight canary's mouth. Today's morning news featured a concept vehicle produced by Segway partnered with GM. Kind of a two-person (barely), covered (also barely), sit-down, two-wheeled, Segway scooter. With a top-speed of 35 mph, this thing won't be taking over the highways and byways anytime soon. It will, however, eventually take it's place alongside the original Segway as a hazzard to pedestrians at every tourist spot in the country.

Tastes like it was Made In China - Ah, the flavor of real lead.  China has a love affair with lead, seemingly putting it in nearly everything the country exports.  Some of those lead inclusions are inexplicable and concerning, like use of the metal in suckable and chewable toys, but others are, well, pretty expected and ordinary.  It's clearly in the latter category where most reasonable people would place the use of lead in motorized vehicles.  After all, these do have batteries, and most of those wonderful things have lead somewhere in them.  Lead is also used as a strengthener for structural frame components for off-road vehicles, including ATV's marketed for youthful drivers (aka 'kids').  Pretty harmless use of lead, 'eh?  Not like any kid will be sucking or chewing batteries, brakes, or frames, right?  Don't tell that to the CPSC.  Although this organization does a mostly admirable job, like any bureaucracy it can get its head firmly stuck up its nether regions at times, and this seems to be one of them.  The CPSC has banned any products aimed at children containing lead - even motorized vehicles.   Some very influential people are attempting to right this red-tape wrong, but in the meantime we can rest assured that none of our kids will be lying around their rooms licking wheel bearings and handgrips.  Comforting news ...

Rocket From The Crypt

North Korea desperately wants love.  At least that is how some political thinkers view that Asian nation's somewhat sad attempt at launching a 'satellite'.  It's just their way of getting the US to take notice and give them the attention they feel they deserve. 

Well, they've got our attention now.  In fact, they got everyone's attention.  Japan is worried, we are worried for Japan, and China is embarrassed they can't control their wards.  I imagine the North Koreans are a little red-faced themselves over the fizzling of their big stick.

Then again, they say it was just a peaceful satellite - not a practice launch for an ICBM.  If so, what they got was a satellite in pieces spread all over the ocean, about 1900 miles from launch point zero.  Not too useful unless the intention was to map ocean currents.

If they want our attention, how about asking for help in launching their satellite? We could give them a cheap deal for a Canaveral launch.  Maybe even do it gratis...

I  hope they back off this 'project'.  I really do.  If not, they'll either succeed, and maybe earn some not-to-be-contemplated retribution, or succeed in bankrupting themselves.  Either way, it'll be Rocket From The Crypt.  Cue the music.

Babbleocity 16

April, April, come she will ... 

(love, intimacy, politics, and litigation, Spring 2009)

One More Male Enhancement Product, now for Women - Men, are you failing to impress that important lady in your life?  Have you tried everything, prescription and otherwise, and no improvement?  Relax, Pretenze has your back.  A healthful mix of naturally-occurring psychoactives, Pretenze greatly enhances your perceived performance, when taken by your lady love an hour before intimacy.  No matter how pitiful you are in fact, she will remember you as the best of the best.  Pretenze - for when the real thing just isn't good enough... [Warning: has been known to cause serious side affects, including headaches and nausea (for her), and painful and expensive litigation (for you).]  

We Love You, We Love You Not - Boy, talk about April fool's pranks.  Seems University of California, San Diego admissions staff sent out invitations to a freshman orientation to the wrong email list.  Everyone who applied got the invite, not just the folks who were accepted.  The only trouble with this great prank was that it was no prank, and nobody was laughing.  Maybe suing, though...

Touching the Queen - The Obamas are wasting no time in setting precedents.  The President must be after some sort of record for activity in his first 100 days, and now the First Lady is getting into the act.  During the G20 conference in London, the Obamas were granted an audience with the Queen.  So delighted at the meeting was the Queen, that she reached around and touched the First Lady's back in a friendly gesture.  And of course, Michelle Obama touched the Queen's back in return.  But oh my, such things are not done.  The Queen hug a commoner (even a First Lady)? It's never happened. And put an arm around the Queen? The unprecedented cheekiness!  

Let's hope that as we move through April and deeper into Spring, this world will grow friendlier.  Like Michelle Obama and The Queen.  And fewer mistakes are made by people who show know better.  Like UCSD admissions.  If not, and the world grows meaner, we can all take Pretenze ...